The gorgeous gal in the bathing suit is my gram. Today is the one year “anniversary” of her passing away. At her funeral the Pastor asked us to write a memory of her to read. This is what I wrote.
ps. I know we are getting a little personal here today guys. But bear with me. We will get to happier, less morbid things tomorrow.
I am sitting on the pink, fuzzy rug.
I swipe my hands softly across it several times.
I like the way it feels. Comforting.
It gives me the warm-fuzzy in my tummy.
I take a deep, relaxed breath in.
My nose is excited by the sweet smell of spring air and lilacs.
I look up at the counter, so pristine and organized with all of her signature things.
The big white brush, the small blue brush, a black and silver pick-comb and a table mirror, with two sides. (the one side is regular and the other side is magnified, the magnified side is my favorite.)
All the brushes are aligned neatly on a paper towel.
Everything is arranged so lovely on the counter.
It always is. I like the order of it all.
It makes me feel safe.
I get up and open the top left drawer.
The left drawer is my favorite because it is always filled with make-up and face care products.
The really good kind. From the department store.
I like to “experiment” with them when no one is around.
I like to pretend I am her.
To me she is so perfect, angelic really.
Beautiful porcelain skin that always smells like fresh soap and faintly scented lotion.
I like how she sometimes wears make-up but never actually needs to.
She’s so natural and I like that about her.
I love her so much.
She loves me a lot too.
Probably more than anyone else ever could.
She is just special that way.
I sit back down on the pink rug and start gently rubbing it with my hands again.
I close my eyes and catch another one of those lilac-spring breaths.
I exhale happily because no one can ever take the feeling of my Gram away from me.
-Kate Troyer, Feb. 2012